


Moonburn

by SmallBoxRespirator



Series: Heartbreak and Healing [1]
Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 5+1 Things, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Compliant, Crying, Falling In Love, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, Men Crying, Sad Yamaguchi Tadashi, Team Mom Sugawara Koushi, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-13
Updated: 2020-03-13
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:33:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,947
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23125558
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SmallBoxRespirator/pseuds/SmallBoxRespirator
Summary: The five times Yamaguchi confessed his love for Tsukishima,  and the one time he didn't.
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei, Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Series: Heartbreak and Healing [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1681072
Comments: 12
Kudos: 189





	Moonburn

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first haikyuu fic, I tried!😊😊

Tadashi Yamaguchi was a lot of things, quiet, shy, kind, hardworking, but despite all the things he was, there was one thing he'd never be,  _ exceptional _ . Yamaguchi was likely one of the most insignificant people to ever walk the face of the earth. He wasn't stupid like Noya, but he wasn't super smart like Kyoko. He wasn't an amazing volleyball player like Hinata, but he was still a better server than him. He didn't stand out like Bokuto, or blend into the background like Kenma… He was just  _ average _ .

Yamaguchi hated being average, especially because he had fallen in love with the least average person ever. Said person was Tsukishima Kei, the stone cold, talented brilliant, Tsukishima Kei who was superior to Yamaguchi in every way imaginable.

Tadashi can't count the times he's confessed his love to the blond boy, but he does know that the feelings were never reciprocal.

***

The first time he proclaimed his affection, the two boys were still in middle school. Tsukishima had scared bullies away from Yamaguchi,  _ again _ . There was something about the tall boy's aura that made him seem threatening to everyone around, everyone except for Yamaguchi that was. The brunet got the foolish idea that Tsukishima's slight tolerance for him could be admiration in disguise. Maybe he was so love sick he was getting delusions though.

The bullies scurried away as soon as Tsukishima came close and Yamaguchi released a breath.

"Wow, thanks Tsukki! You scared those guys away with a single glare! You're so cool!" He gushed towards the taller male.

Tsukishima huffed, "They got so scared because they're all talk. They pick on you because they're insecure and see you as an easy target."

Yamaguchi looked down, "I'm an easy target?" he mumbled.  _ Of course I'm an easy target _ he thought to himself,  _ you're too average to be threatening to anyone _ .

Tsukishima sputtered, "No, not at all just they see you as weaker than them. WAIT NO! IT'S JUST-" he took a breath, "Look Yamaguchi people underestimate you a lot, but they shouldn't. You're really a strong person on the inside." His voice was soft, not his usual arrogant tone.

Yamaguchi blushed, "I love you Tsukki."

Tsukishima turned towards the boy wide eyed, "Oh, uh, I, um…" he couldn't seem to come up with a correct response.

Yamaguchi looked at the ground, "You don't have to say anything, it's okay. I have to go home now, bye Tsukki." He walked off with his head held low.

"Bye." He heard Tsukishima say back.

***

Luckily Tsukishima never let his confession ruin their friendship, unluckily, Yamaguchi never quite got over his love for the blond.

Middle school came and went and before they knew it the two boys were walking home from their last day of junior high.

"Wow! Junior high, gone, just like that. So strange. Seems like it just started, right Tsukki?"

The blond in question just hummed in response.

"What highschool are you going to go to?" The brunet asked his friend.

"Karasuno," Tsukishima responded quietly.

Yamaguchi eyes lit up, "Wait really? Oh my god, me too! Yes! This is great! We get to go to high school together!"

Tsukishima chuckled, "Why are you so happy?"

"Because I get to go to school with you still, duh. I wouldn't want to lose touch with my best friend y'know," Yamaguchi states cheerfully.

"Yeah, but even if we didn't go to school together we could alway just text each other to keep up? Why is this such a big deal?" he asked.

Yamaguchi sighed, "Well Tsukki, I love you and I don't want to have to go a day without seeing you."

Tsukishima huffed and looked the shorter boy in the eyes before quickly looking away.

Yamaguchi quickly changed the subject to spare himself from further embarrassment, "So are you going to join the volleyball team in high school."

"Of course," Tsukishima stated quickly, and after a few moments he added, "and you better join with me."

Yamaguchi smiled, it wasn't a love confession, but it was good enough for now.

***

They had just started high school, and Yamaguchi was elated. Not only had he finally escaped the wrath of his middle school bullies, but he had actually found a group of people whom he could call his friends. The Karasuno volleyball team were the first group of people who actually accepted him for who he was and treated him as an equal instead of an outsider. It was… nice. And the best part about it all was that he still had Tsukishima right by his side. Being in high school had really brought the two boys together and they were even closer than before. 

Him and Tsukishima made a plan that they would always walk home from school together. Today was no different. The boys were side by side just leaving volleyball practice to get home. Tsukishima had made some really impressive hits today, and Yamaguchi had barely done much of anything.

"Wow Tsukki, you were really good today!" Yamaguchi praised his friend.

"Hm, thanks," the blond mumbled back.

"No really, I mean it! I wish I could be even half as good as you!" he insisted.

"You're plenty good Yamaguchi, don't put yourself down," Tsukishima reassured.

Yamaguchi sighed, "You don't get it. You're good at everything Tsukishima. You're smart, athletic, talented, attractive, seriously, you know how many people would kill to be you?" 

"Why do you do that?" Tsukishima asked.

"Do what?"

"That! You praise and compliment me, but then go ahead and put yourself down right after. How come instead of glorifying me, you be nice to yourself for once!" Tsukishima huffed, "I don't like you being me to yourself."

Yamaguchi smiled sadly, "Well, Tsukki, it's just… I love you so everything you do just seems great to me, that's all."

Tsukishima turned away, "Just… stop putting yourself down okay?"

The boys didn't say a word to each other the rest of the way home.

***

The team had just finished their training camp where they played practice matches against Nekoma. Despite losing, the team was still in high spirits and more determined than ever.

Yamaguchi had just exited the gym only to find Tsukishima sitting against the wall behind the building. He was staring down, it looked like he was deep in thought.

"Hey! You okay Tsukki?" Yamaguchi asked his friend. 

Tsukishima looked up, surprised by the other's presence, "Hm, oh, yeah I'm fine," he sighed, "actually, no, I'm not fine."

Yamaguchi sat down beside his friend, "What's wrong, are you okay?" he said, voice laced with concern.

The blond inhaled, "I can ask you anything, right?"

Yamaguchi smiled, "Of course Tsukki! We're best friends, and that's what best friends are for."

Tsukishima looked towards the brunet, "I think I like someone."

Yamaguchi felt his mouth go dry, "Oh, um okay, good for you Tsukki!"

Tsukishima shook his head, "No, it's not, um," he paused, "this someone is a boy. "

Yamaguchi felt his heart race and his mind filled with hope, "That's okay Tsukki! Nobody will hate you for it, I mean I like boys and the team is just fine with it!" Yamaguchi grabs his friend by the arm and looks into the boy's eyes, "and also, I love you Tsukki."

Tsukishima turned red, "Oh, Yamaguchi, uh no, it's not, I didn't mean,"

Yamaguchi cut him off, "That's not what you meant right?" he tried his best to hide the look of sheer disappointment engraved across his face.

Tsukishima looked away, "It's um Kuroo, he asked me out on a date," the boy said quietly.

"Oh, um… that's great Tsukki! You should say yes- I mean if that's what you want," Tadashi tried to sputter out. Lucky for him, just then he saw Daichi waving at the two boys signaling that it was time to leave. "Oh, look at that, we have to go now, come on Tsukki!" Yamaguchi said as he made a dash away from the other boy.

***

Tsukishima and Kuroo had been dating for a few months now and to say Yamaguchi hated it would be an understatement. He absolutely despised the way the black haired boy looked at his best friend. He hated the way the two were so close despite having just met. And most of all he hated how Kuroo referred to his friend as "Tsukki" it made Yamaguchi's blood boil, that was  _ his  _ nickname for Tsukishima,  _ his _ !

Recently after Tsukishima had started dating the Nekoma captain he had come out to the team. Everyone teased him relentlessly about his relationship with Kuroo, but Tsukishima seemed so happy with his boyfriend that it had hardly mattered to him. It mattered to Yamaguchi though, it mattered so fucking much that he couldn't even hear Tsukishima talk about his boyfriend without his blood starting to boil.

Practice had just ended and the team was at the convenience store where Daichi was treating them to pork buns. The entire team was outside the store when Tsukishima's phone started to ring.

The blond boy pulled the device from his pocket and looked at the name. A slight blush spread across his face and he sighed. 

Hinata started to shout at the tall boy, "Ooh, who's calling?"

Tsukishima grumbled, "Uh, it's Kuroo," he said in embarrassment, "I should answer this away from you guys…"

Hinata whined, "Noooo, we want to hear you talk to your boyfriend!" 

"Answer it! Answer it! Answer it!" Noya started to chant, and then Hinata and Tanaka joined in.

Tsukishima shot Suga a pleading look but the silver haired boy just smirked and chuckled, "Answer it loverboy."

The blond finally gave in and picked up the phone, "Hey…" he looked away from the team with a grimace, "...babe."

Noya hollered, "Get some Tsukki!"

Daichi and Suga shared a look and started cackling.

Hinata was snickering at the tall boy.

And Yamaguchi? Yamaguchi was staring off into space as he felt his heart snap in two.

Tsukishima sighed, "Yeah, I'm with my team right now, can we talk later?... Yes I can… Okay, thanks… Yes they  _ are  _ laughing at me," he shot everyone a death glare, "Okay yeah… Okay bye…" Tsukishima turned red and looked down before quietly saying into the phone, "Yeah, I love you too."

The Karasuno team lost it. Tanaka and Nishinoya were cheering. Hinata was bent over cackling. Daichi had this knowing smirk on his face. Sugawara was grinning ear to ear. Asahi looked like he was dying from second hand embarrassment. And Yamaguchi? Yamaguchi thought he finally knew what getting stabbed felt like.

Hinata started to sing, "Tsukki's got a boyfriend, Tsukki's got a boyfriend."

Tanaka groaned, "How did  _ this asshole  _ find love before  _ me _ ?"

Daichi nudged the tall blond boy on the shoulder, "Hey, make sure you use protection, okay?" he commented with a smirk.

Tsukishima was bright red and mortified, his head was in his hands and he wasn't making a sound. Yamaguchi looked over to his best friend  _ wow, even when he's breaking my heart he's still cute. _

And suddenly everything was too much for Tadashi. The heartbreak, the anger, the sadness, the jealousy, it was all too much to handle. Yamaguchi snuck away from the group while they were all so preoccupied teasing Tsukishima that they didn't even notice his absence. 

When Yamaguchi finally arrived home he saw he had two texts, one from Sugawara and one from Tsukishima. He opened his phone and looked at the one from Suga first.

**Team Mom:** Hey, where'd you go, I didn't see you leave.

**Gucci Yams:** Oh, sorry I had to go home, I had homework to do.

It was a shit lie, Yamaguchi knew as much, but he couldn't come up with anything else.

**Team Mom:** Okay fine, but just so you know, if you need anyone to talk to about ANYTHING I'm here for you and I won't judge.

He knew, Yamaguchi figured.  _ Of course Suga knew, he knew everything, it was like mother's intuition,  _ he thought.

Yamaguchi then went to see the other message, the one from Tsukishima.

**Tsukki 🦖:** you left

**Gucci Yams:** i know

**Tsukki 🦖:** are you okay 

**Gucci Yams:** im fine dont worry

**Tsukki🦖:** were talking about this tomorrow 

**Gucci Yams:** good night 

**Tsukki:** good night 🌙

Yamaguchi shoved his face into his pillow. He hated Tsukishima. He hated how the blond boy was so pretty and talented yet was always so calm and cool. He hated how Tsukishima was so nice to Yamaguchi even though he confessed his love  _ multiple  _ times. He hated how Tsukishima went off and got a boyfriend that was so much better than he would ever be. He hated how even when Yamaguchi was mad at him Tsukishima still showed his worry. He hated Tsukishima because of how much he loved him.

Yamaguchi was always a shy and emotional person, always one to let his feelings make decisions for him, and he cried a lot, but when he did it was alwaysjust a few loose tears, rarely being heart wrenching sobs. Yamaguchi couldn't remember the last time he truly cried. But for some reason there, in his bedroom, his face pressed in his pillow, thinking about his best friend who will never love him back, he cried. He cried full out, tears rushing from his eyes into his pillow as he sobbed out loud until his voice was hoarse.  _ Man, heartbreak fucking sucked. _

***

The next morning at practice Yamaguchi took every effort to avoid Tsukishima as he could and it didn't go unnoticed by anyone. He caught the blond boy staring in his direction more than once, but each time Yamaguchi just turned his head.

It got so bad that even Hinata, the most oblivious person in the world, came up to him and asked, "Hey, did you and Tsukishima get in a fight?"

"No, it's… it's nothing, don't worry about it." Yamaguchi mumbled in response.

By the end of practice Sugawara had pulled him aside to say, "Hey, I'm sorry about all of this. I know it can't be easy, but Tsukishima still cares about you and you can't just ignore him."

Yamaguchi's eyes widened, "How did you…"

Suga just grinned, "When people are in love they light up, you always shine like a star when you are around Tsukki. It's kind of ironic, he's the moon and you're a star." 

Yamaguchi sighed, "Well if that's the case than Tsukishima just gave me moonburn."

Sugawara frowned in sympathy, "I'm sorry Yamaguchi."

The brunet just walked away. As he was leaving the gym he felt a hand grab the collar of his shirt and pull him back. Yamaguchi turned around only to be met face-to-face with a very distraught looking Tsukishima.

"Yamaguchi! Why were you leaving? I told you I wanted to talk," he said.

Yamaguchi turned back around, "Yeah, well _I_ _don't,_ " he growled.

Tsukishima ran a hand through his hair, "Just tell me what I did," Yamaguchi looked at the ground in sadness, "Is it about Kuroo?"

Yamaguchi turned red and tried to avoid eye contact, "I just…" his voice was shaky, "I still love you, but you love Kuroo, and-" he was cut off by a quiet sob that made its way out of his mouth.

Tsukishima sighed, "Kuroo is my boyfriend-"

Yamaguchi interrupted him, "You think I don't fucking know that! That's why I'm so mad! I can't-" tears started to fall from his face and he turned away, "I can't do this anymore,  _ Tsukishima _ " and he walked away leaving a very shocked Tsukishima Kei behind him.

***

It had been a couple months since the incident between Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, and to say tension was high would be an understatement. Yamaguchi refused to acknowledge the other's presence and no matter how hard Tsukishima tried to make amends, nothing was successful.

Karasuno was at Nekoma's training camp and between Kuroo and Tsukishima's relationship and Yamaguchi's intense anger towards the blond and his boyfriend it was just a disaster waiting to happen. Except, Yamaguchi had still been refusing to speak to his previous best friend so it was possible for everything to go well as long as Yamaguchi chose to say quite. At least that was what Karasuno hoped, unfortunately for them, things often don't work out in their favor.

Karasuno was up against Nekoma in this practice game and so far Tsukishima hadn't made one successful pass. The game ended with Karasuno getting their asses handed to them and a very disappointing looking Ukai.

The team gathered around their coach as he asked them about the game.

"What the hell happened out there?" Ukai growled, "You guys were terrible, especially you, Tsukishima, what the  _ hell  _ was that?"

Tsukishima turned down in shame, "I'm sorry coach it's just-"

Yamaguchi cut him off, "It's just that he's too fucking distracted by his boyfriend to focus on the damn game!" Yamaguchi rarely swore so there was a collective grasp from his coach and teammates.

Sugawara tried to reason with him, "Yamaguchi don't-"

But Yamaguchi wasn't finished, "No, you don't understand. This dumbass is too busy staring at Kuroo to even pay attention to his surroundings. How fucking pathetic is that?" 

Tsukishima growled, "Oh, fuck off!"

"Excuse me?" Yamaguchi gasped. 

The entire gym was now staring at the two arguing boys on the Karasuno team.

"You're just jealous that I'm not obsessed about you like you are about me," Yamaguchi stood tall in front of the blond in attempt to look threatening, "Look just because you confessed your love to me like five times doesn't mean anything okay! I wasn't distracted by Kuroo, you just can't handle the fact that my attention was directed at anyone but you!" Tsukishima yelled loud enough for everyone to hear.

Yamaguchi grabbed Tsukishima by the collar of his shirt and pushed him backwards, "Go fuck yourself  _ Tsukishima _ !" He hissed as he marched away from the tall boy with his middle finger sticking up behind him.

The entirety of both the Karasuno and Nekoma teams were staring intently at the conflict going down between the two first years. Yamaguchi couldn't be bothered by that, instead the second he left the gym he made a bolt for the bleachers, hoping that everyone would be smart enough to leave the boy alone. The teams had to leave the gym anyway as that was the last game of the day so Yamaguchi was hoping he would get a bit of time to cool down alone. 

Unfortunately, that didn't happen. In the midst of Yamaguchi trying to control his breath and stop himself from sweating so much he heard a person sit down beside him.

_ It's probably Suga  _ he thought, and as much as he appreciated the older boy's help, he wanted to be left alone, "Can you please fuck off?" je asked, sure it wasn't the nicest thing to say, but he really wasn't in control of his emotions anymore.

The voice of the boy beside him was soft a calm, and didn't sound like Suga at all, "Actually, I'd rather stay right here."

Yamaguchi turned to his side only to see Kenma sitting in the seat next to him staring down intently as his DS, "Why are you sitting beside me?"

Kenma shrugged, "You looked like you needed help."

Yamaguchi exhaled loudly, "Well I don't, okay?"

Kenma looked towards the taller boy, "I just want you to know that I know how you feel. You're feelings for Tsukishima and everything, I've been through something similar."

Yamaguchi rolled his eyes at that, " _ You _ know how I feel.  _ Really? _ Tsukishima was my best friend and I've been in love with him since middle school, okay?"

Kenma chuckled, "Well in that case I know  _ exactly  _ how you feel." He looked up and out towards the gym where the Nekoma captain was still speaking to their coach.

Yamaguchi furrowed his eyebrows, "What do you mean you-" and then he caught the stare that the blond setter was giving his captain, "You and Kuroo, huh?"

Kenma gave a small frown, "Yeah. You see? I know  _ exactly  _ how you feel."

Yamaguchi gave a bitter laugh, "Well it looks like we're both fucked then."

Kenma gave a small smile, "Guess we are."

Yamaguchi shot him a look of sympathy, "I'm sorry about that."

Kenma put a hand on the other's shoulder, "I'm sorry about you too."

The two boys sat there for a while, basking in each other's heartbreak and disappointment.

***

Nighttime had finally come after one hell of a long and tiring day, yet despite this fact, Yamaguchi couldn't seem to fall asleep. He couldn't get his brain to tune out the thoughts that he so desperately wanted to get rid of. It got to a point where trying to fall asleep just became a futile effort so Yamaguchi decided to get out of his futon.

He stood up, taking caution not to make any noise and he left the Karasuno dorm room. He wandered around the training camp area for a while until he found two chairs sat in front of a large window and decided to sit down.

He stared out the window, taking in the image of the night sky. The moon was large and bright, illuminating the entire atmosphere. Yamaguchi frowned, he used to love the moon, but now, he couldn't think of anything he hated more. The moon felt bad, it felt like heartbreak, betrayal, jealousy. Yamaguchi had moonburn, and all because of a dumbass named Tsukishima Kei.

Just then Yamaguchi heard footsteps coming towards him and heard the creak of the floor as someone sat down in the chair beside him.

Yamaguchi turned, and was met with the sad and solemn face of Tsukishima Kei.

"Hey," the other boy rasped out.

"Hey," Yamaguchi replied, he didn't have enough energy to argue, "What are you doing here?"

Tsukishima smiled, "I could ask the same about you," Yamaguchi rolled his eyes, "To be honest, I feel really bad."

"Don't. Don't feel bad, you did nothing," Yamaguchi uttered, "You don't have to feel bad for not liking me back. It's not your fault. I shouldn't have- I shouldn't have kept pushing it. You don't like me, there was no reason for me to keep saying it, it probably made you uncomfortable."

"Yamaguchi it's not like that," Tsukishima reassured.

"No, I get it, why would someone like you ever want someone like me," he gave the other boy a sad smile, "It's just that you're so perfect Tsukki and I'm so average, I'm sorry about everything though."

Tsukishima grabbed to other boy's face a turned it towards himself, "Yamaguchi, you are an  _ amazing  _ person, I can't even begin to describe how great you are."

Yamaguchi whimpered, "Don't show me pity, please Tsukki, besides your with Kuroo, don't even pretend that I could ever compare to him."

"I'm not pitying you! This is how I feel. And about Kuroo… things aren't really working out. We just got into a fight," he sighed.

Yamaguchi looked up in confusion, "Why? It's not my fault is it?"

Tsukishima chuckled, "No, it's just we both have feelings for someone else."

Yamaguchi looked like he was about to cry, "Oh, okay. "

The two boys spent the next few minutes in silence slowly staring out the window. As the time passed their bodies slowly got closer and closer together. It wasn't long before their hands were intertwined and Yamaguchi had his head on Tsukishima's shoulder.

The Tsukishima said something, it was whispered so quietly it was barely audible, but it was heard nonetheless, "I love you Yamaguchi."

Tadashi smiled and looked out into the night sky. _Huh_ , he thought, _the moon looks really pretty tonight._

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Comments and kudos are much appreciated. I was thinking of doing a part two of this story, where it is the same plot, but from Kenma's point of view, tell me what you think! ❤❤❤


End file.
